I leave the mundane nature of pleasure’s atmosphere and noise from
parties all around and sounds from bushes and creeks, nooks and crannies, by lovers
making out and bottle cracks from a fight surrounded by people gazing with
jittery...and I walk up the hill into the quiet of the night staring at my
shadow as it goes up and down with every step I take under the moon’s radiant
outpour. I stagger to my doorsteps and sit with my knees folded up while my
arms cover them, my head turning upwards. The sky is almost empty with the moon
and just a star hanging there like a king ruling over an almost empty village
consisting of his palace servant only living in peaceful co-existence. I hear
the birds warbling; making sounds; sounds that give sweet melody to the ears
and bring back memories all in one piece. Memories of love lost and lovers
gone. The gentle wind gallops past my sides and beyond creating a soothing
effect on my hairy arms, all happening in synchronicity. Today is the 16th
of November. This day 5years ago, I could never forget. The day a hurting hole
was created in my heart.
*******************************************************************************
I remember a delightful period of time, days when even the sun
seemed to beam at me and birds would sing; a time when Tomi would tell me sweet
words and recite poems just to see me smile. She was an avid reader and she had
a good head. When we became lovers at first, she would try to recite poems and
I would shove her off. She knew I didn’t believe in poetry and fiction. One
particular day when I was heavyhearted and dispirited, she stood in front of me
and was about to begin. “Tomi, please, please, please”, I muttered. She didn’t
listen and then she began with such intense ardour and complacence. And while
she was halfway through her rune, I began to feel so ease at heart, almost
smiling and I had to muffle it. I wouldn’t let her know she had impressed me
initially but who could resist such alluring and convincing nature of Tomi, certainly
not me. Tomi was always successful in
making me happy for I would smile so well whenever she recited love poems to
me. And she would be happy that I smiled. Rays of happiness emanated from her
whenever I couldn’t hold back my delightedness, and she would laugh so hard
again. I was ready to give her all of my youth, energy and vigour, everything I
possessed, my all. She was my light in the darkness, my muse in all
hopelessness. When she laughed, I would stare with such passion; a passion to
discover what made her glow, where the secret of her high-spiritedness inhered.
I loved her suppleness, her languid looks which emerged from her half-closed eyelids,
from those eyes that had so much invigorating innocence.
I was once a young man with a large brain and a broken heart all
trying to function together. Then I stopped trying. ‘You mustn’t think that
way’, they kept saying. ‘You will always find someone else, someone better’.
Friends expressed concerns over the heartbreak I experienced at the hands of my
first love. Nkalo left as though what we had was nothing, as if the moments we
shared, the things we did, and the future we once dreamt of together were all just
parts of a giant zilch, a façade. I still do not know the reason why she left.
I became apathetic. The word ‘love’ became an anathema to me. Then I met Tomi. I
was in a library doing some research over an upcoming project and then I went
to one of the shelves in the Social Science wing. I was having difficulties
finding the book I was after when an average heighted female with accentuated
voice tried to offer some help.
‘It seems you’re having trouble finding something’, she said. I
turned and graced an embodiment of beauty. ‘Yeah, just a book’, I replied.
‘Let me help. I’m a little used to this library and considering that
I’m just seeing this face for the first time, I take it that you’re a first
timer? ‘. She said, smiling.
‘No, I’m not. I’ve just never been to this wing of the library
before now’.
‘So, what book are you looking for?’ she asked. ’Economics and the Economy’, I said. She took
a glimpse at the top right angle and brought it out while still smiling. I stole a quick glance,
taking in her long eyelashes, her cute, upturned nose and the light splattering
of freckles that dotted the bridge of her nose. I
thanked her and asked for her name and then went back to my base. She was looking at the
computer when she went back to her seat. When we both
came out of the library, we exchanged words a little and parted. The girl was
Tomi and that was how we met.
We started meeting frequently and I began to like her attributes.
Her personality was quite enigmatic. She was an idyllic young lady. It took
about three accidental run-ins for me to finally ask her out on a date. We
became fond of each other. The chemistry was growing, the connection was solid.
We were in love with each other. Our love blossomed like cactus in the desert
pronging its thorns to protect itself. Months went by and like the cactus; we
built a wall around us protecting us from the tempting and malicious ideas of
both our friends and acquaintances. I was at peace with myself again. My days
became brighter.
Months became years and we became inseparable. People considered us an
example that true love was an actuality. Some were happy for us, some were
jealous. Some nights, we laid in the open staring at the sky together and some
nights, we would cuddle in the sheets and say sweet words and smile in between
kisses. There were good days for us, it was bitter-sweet to me. I do not know
which was worse; being scared of losing her like I lost Nkalo or being scared
because I might be the one to leave. Life wouldn’t tell us if that was a part
of the itinerary for our journey of love. If she harboured the same fears I
had, I didn’t want to know. I wouldn’t let anything come in the middle of what
we had. Then, a time came when I had to travel out of town for a work-training.
In the middle of our usual fun, I turned off a bit. ‘What’s the
matter’, she asked. I hesitated still keeping the firm downcast look. She held
my hands, ‘Look at me, Kweku’. “Tomi, I’ll be away for a while”, I said. “What
do you mean”, she replied in a soft tone which had some hint of surprise. A
look that signified she was eagerly waiting for my explanation. “Do you
remember the job appointment I had?”
‘Yes’, she replied. The sadness in her voice had become obvious. I
could sense it. I continued, “I’ve been contacted and told to come to the
regional headquarters for work-training and subsequently, a job offer”.
‘Well, that’s good news’, she smiled still trying to conceal her
hurt. She was downcast and I knew.... (to be continued).
